I'll let him go eventually
by Christygreen
Summary: Padmé Amidala would forever love Anakin Skywalker...even if it cost her her life.


_She would let him go...eventually._

 _It was only a matter of time. It was wrong. Selfish for her to keep him to herself. And she knows. She had tried to save him._

 _A Jedi._

 _A Senator._

 _They didn't go together. She told him. They would be living a lie. Her heart breaks every time he leaves her. He could be killed, easily. He lives on the front lines. It's where he belongs. She hates being apart from him. Her heart begs for him to stay, and she knows he would, just for her, but she dares not ask, nor think it when he's around. She tell him she worries for him, that she's afraid for him. He just laughs and kisses her forehead then both her cheeks, looks her in the eyes and tells her not to worry, that he will be fine, and she should worry for herself. His eyes would then turn serious and he would make her promise to keep herself safe. Every time._

 _He still doesn't tell her everything. He trusts her, she knows with his life, willing to do anything for her, but still he doesn't tell her everything. He's been through so much. He has seen so much. She can imagine the things he sees, and is forced to witness during the war. His allies, friends, people he grew up with_ _\- Family. The suffering he endures for others, the pain, the tears, blood and sweat and gore. For his sake, she imagines what it like to watch other be tortured before his eyes, killed, their screams and being forced to listen,_ _and to hear them saying not to give in, and to want to more than anything but to be held back by what he knows is right, his sense of duty._

 _He risks his life for others, every day, and he pays, sometimes dearly. It's engraved in every scar that mars his otherwise flawless, forever-tanned skin. It only makes him more precious in her eyes._

 _He never give her any details on these things. He doesn't want her to see all he has to. He does his best to shelter her from it. But she sees it even when he thinks she doesn't. Their voices haunt him, wherever he goes, their screams echo in his head and his beautiful blue eyes betray him, even when he thinks he hides it from her. It hurts her to see him like this. He may be strong, but he's so very vulnerable inside, so fragile. Yes, war is a terrible thing._

 _There is a dark side in him too, she knows._

 _He has always had a dangerous edge to him, a darkness that surrounds him. It scares her and thrills sends shivers down her spine all at once._

 _She sees her husband little. Those precious moments are few. He comes when he can at night. She never knows when to expect him; he just shows up. And early, Padmé rarely sees him in the morning; early he leaves. Far to often she wakes, cold, with that dreadful feeling of aloneness, and turn over to find it true. He leaves, and she has no proof that he was there or that it was a dream, aside from the smell, his_ _smell that he left behind in his place. She grabs that pillow a holds on to that pillow just as she would him. And inside she never lets go._

 _Who would have knew the little slave boy from Tatooine, who grow up to be what he was?_

 _It took her a long time to figure out her love for him. She had known several young handsome suitors, why was he any different? The answer was simple, and it hit her suddenly like a smack in the face. Like some ground - shaking revelation of a great realization._

 _Anakin is free. He is bold, and not afraid to say what he thought. He never beats around the bush. He is brave, courageous. He believes in what is right. He is reckless sometimes, ruthless. He never ceases to amaze her, shock her. He's adorably mischievous at times. He cares_ _about what she thinks. He listens_ _to her opinions. And it means the world to her to just have someone listen. He always puts her first, always before himself or anything else._

 _He is an enigma. A mystery. An amazing complex of all different kinds of things coming together and making something beautiful. She can't help but love him. This is_ _why she loves him._

 _And although she knows she doesn't deserve him, not matter how many times he say the exact opposite, she will always love him, just as he would her._

 _They are living a lie. It is destined to failure._

 _And she is willing to risk it for him._

 _One day she have to let him go, and she knows she will...eventually..._


End file.
